Lately I am thinking a lot about the cycles of things.
2012 was all about upheaval for me. It was an onslaught of turmoil, endings, goodbyes, stands taken, travel, identity, dissolution and that vast, uncomfortable terrain that lies in-between endings and beginnings. There was no way around. Well, maybe there was but it would have necessitated more tap-dancing and denial than I am willing to tolerate.
2013′s inception finds me in a vastly different place. It’s time to slow down. I’m not talking about the exhausted collapse that’s the result of having to redefine myself. I mean a deliberate easing off the gas pedal. A considered deceleration.
I don’t want to conquer the world. I don’t want to meet it with raised fists.
I am officially in putter mode.
Right now, I want to be home. Particularly, I want to be in my kitchen. I want to continue to experiment with almond flour. I want to play with coconut flour and palm shortening. I want to welcome the day with green juice and put it to bed with sleepy time tea in my special sippy-cup-mug. I want roasted chickens, the aroma of garlicky, buttered mushrooms. Nigella seeds sprinkled on just about everything. Addictive, tart lemon applesauce.
I’ll probably gain 10 pounds. Don’t care.
I want fried eggs and sweet potato hash for dinner. I want to eat it in my pajamas. I want spoonfuls of dessert.
(Have lost track of how long it’s now been but am still doing that Paleo thing.)
Intuitively, I’m spending less time online. I still look forward to daily check ins with loved ones from near and afar but for now I’m opting out of spending all my time on the internets.
I want to practice sunrise yoga. The kind of asana that interests me right now is slow and deliberate. Dreamy. I care less and less about advanced asana. Less and less about tricks. I want to do the kind of asana that makes my body and my psyche feel good. More power to you if advanced asana is your thing. It’s just not mine. At least not right now.
My radio is tuned to the classical station more often than to XMU. I’m gobbling Chopin’s Nocturnes and Bach’s Goldberg Variations. I appear to be on a classical music bender. I’ve no idea if it will last or how long. Don’t care about that either.
I want to lie on the couch and read books. In addition to my ridiculous personal collection, I have amassed stacks and stacks of library books. I’ve taken out inter-library loans. Making time to read again has been a homecoming.
I want to make the time to enjoy my relationship. I want home cooked meals. Laughter. Movies on the couch. Snuggles.
Professionally, my big goal right now is simply to encourage my students to attune, recognize and attend to their own individual cycles–even as we must surely receive the world that presses in upon us too.
Happy 2013 to you! Tell me–what’s on your radar for 2013? How are you feeling? Are you making room in your life for that energetic quality? How? Leave a comment and let me know.
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